


restart

by adequater



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adequater/pseuds/adequater
Summary: Jaemin and Yukhei broke up, and maybe they shouldn't have because they sort of belong to each other in the best ways possible.





	restart

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from room39's restart! a lovely song about this situation ;u; 
> 
> the idea came to me at full force and i needed to write it? i just randomly decided that i want it to be yukhei/jaemin just because...........idk..........i like the thought of them together lolz
> 
> warning: unbeta'ed, just a lot of sappy words. just. don't expect much.....lol

Waking up sort of feels strange today.

It has been for the last two weeks.

Jaemin feels odd, like a walking robot; emotionless and empty, just working gears enough to keep his brain and body working. Just enough gears are working for Jaemin to roll over to his side table, and click on his home button to stop the blaring alarm indicating that Jaemin needs to wake up. Five more minutes. Jaemin sort of feels like passing out, another blare of alarm from his phone, and Jaemin is pretty much ready to throw the phone to the window, but it’s another day of school, which means Jaemin can’t skip because a broken heart is not really a plausible reason to skip school, or skip anything really. So Jaemin gets up, the gears working well enough for him to turn off all of his alarms, and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. Cold, because he can’t really feel anything, and hot water would just be a waste. Someone told him that cold water is better for the skin, anyways.

Jaemin’s gears are working well enough today for him to go to the kitchen, and eat some bread before he goes off to school, going to the bus station, and when Jaemin arrives there, he immediately puts his earphones in, ready to ignore the world and everyone around him. Jaemin can see some familiar faces of his classmates, and Jaemin waves at them, with a small smile, which all of them return with similar smiles, but Jaemin immediately isolates himself from them, not wanting to be so close. The bus arrives soon enough, and Jaemin gets on. This should be when Jaemin gets a text, but it’s not the same anymore, so Jaemin doesn’t bother to check his phone even when he can feel the buzz in his pockets. It’s not him, anyways, so it shouldn’t matter.

The walk to his class is sort of painful. He used to be at the entrance, waiting for Jaemin sometimes with a cup of coffee and always with a bottled water because he knows Jaemin has this bad habit of forgetting his water at home. Jaemin makes it a point to bring his own bottle now, because he shouldn’t die from dehydration just because he’s not there. The walk is also painful because Jaemin has to pass by his class, and there’s the possibility of bumping into him in the hallways which is the last thing Jaemin wants. Or maybe that’s what Jaemin wants. He’s not quite sure anymore. But Jaemin didn’t even bump into him the past weeks, so which means he’s working even harder to avoid Jaemin.

It’s an ugly habit, perhaps. Or maybe it’s because Jaemin has been resisting for the past few weeks that his eyes and heart finally decided to cave.

Jaemin’s eyes immediately turn towards the open windows of Yukhei’s class when Jaemin is passing by. Jaemin shouldn’t be surprised when his eyes meet Yukhei’s, because Jaemin brought that upon himself. Jaemin looked first. But maybe Yukhei was looking all along. Maybe Yukhei has always been watching when Jaemin wasn’t. Maybe Jaemin is just wishing for something that isn’t there anymore. Jaemin stupidly holds eye contact with Yukhei the whole time he is passing, and Yukhei stupidly looks back. _His eyes look stupid,_ were the first thing that Jaemin thinks of. Jaemin then notes the way his eyes are looking at Jaemin so forlornly, so sad, and full of misery. Jaemin looks at his eyes, and thinks of the words he used to say while looking at Jaemin earnestly, the words he used to whisper that should only be heard by Jaemin while looking at him with this expression that he reserves only for Jaemin, and Jaemin thinks of the warmth he felt whenever Yukhei was by his side. Jaemin wants to run back to his arms, but he shouldn’t. Couldn’t.

So Jaemin looks away, and goes quickly to his class.

-

Jaemin knows he can’t avoid the cafeteria forever. Jeno and Donghyuck have been trying to coax him into going to the cafeteria since a few weeks ago, but Jaemin barely budged, only pouting at them and saying he’s not hungry when he is, and they know he is. But they don’t say anything, because they’re his friends and no matter how shitty Jaemin’s decisions are they will always side with him. Except for today because Jaemin forgot to pack up anything, so they’re dragging him to the cafeteria, both of them guarding his sides, even without Jaemin saying anything, and just leading him to the cafeteria like he doesn’t know the way (he does, of course.)

The walk to the cafeteria is painless, but right when Jaemin enters, his eyes immediately fly to Yukhei’s table. Jaemin is met with Yukhei laughing with his friends. Jaemin wants to say that it’s because Yukhei’s friends always sits at the first table at the end in the cafeteria is the reason why Jaemin looked. But Jaemin knows himself that it’s just because he’s not sitting with Jaemin anymore. Jaemin sort of feels this odd sense of sickness in his tummy at how much Yukhei is having fun without him. It’s a petty thought. Yukhei can laugh with his friends all he wants. Yukhei broke up with him. What they had was history, and Yukhei shouldn’t let something as stupid as a break up get a way of his happiness. And he seems to be doing just fine, which is good. But a sick side of Jaemin wishes Yukhei is feeling just as horrible as Jaemin feels, and seeing Yukhei being just fine sort strikes a cord in Jaemin’s heart. Jaemin looks away.

“Nana,” Donghyuck begins with a small whine, and Jaemin smiles sheepishly, letting Donghyuck drag him to the counters to get their food and tray. They sit down right after they gather their food, and Jaemin notes silently that his friends managed to pick the seat the farthest away from Yukhei’s table, which is much appreciated really, and Jaemin feels really taken care of and coddled, but he doesn’t think he cares much right now.

“Have you finished your Biology homework?” Jeno asks, nudging Jaemin slightly, and Jaemin grunts in response, slurping on his soup.

“Of course,” Jaemin replies easily, and Jeno groans into his palm.

Jeno then looks at Donghyuck. “You?”

“I copied Jaemin’s answer this morning,” Donghyuck shrugs, grinning mischievously, and Jeno scrunches his nose at the answer, so Donghyuck shrugs again. “Not my fault that you were late.”

Jaemin giggles at that, and Donghyuck highfives Jaemin right after. Jaemin nudges Jeno softly with his elbow. “It’s okay. You can copy it after this.”

They eat in a relative silence after that, mindless talks here and there about teachers and their subjects. Donghyuck is just about to delve into his story of his Volleyball practice the prior afternoon when he suddenly stops, looking at something behind Jaemin and Jeno with wide eyes. Jaemin raises an eyebrow in confusion at Donghyuck suddenly stopping, and Donghyuck’s eyes immediately turn fierce when they meet Jaemin’s, and Jaemin looks back, only to be met with Yukhei walking over towards their table.

“Shit,” Jeno says, and he grabs Jaemin’s arm. “We can go now. If you want to?”

Jaemin wants to go. Jaemin doesn’t want to stay because he’s tired. He doesn’t want to face Yukhei again, and he doesn’t want to look at Yukhei’s eyes again, and realise everything he had lost. He doesn’t want to stay because he’s afraid of the burn through his chest when he looks at Yukhei. He doesn’t want to stay because he’s afraid of the hurt he’s going to feel when he realises Yukhei is here not as his boyfriend anymore. But he wants to stay. Jaemin wants to stay because it’s Yukhei. And if it’s Yukhei, Jaemin would shamefully give up everything.

“It’s okay,” Jaemin croaks out, and Jeno reluctantly lets go of the hold he has on Jaemin’s arm. Yukhei is here now, and Jaemin braves himself enough to look at Yukhei, and everything seems to crash down like waves now. The emotions he felt for Yukhei, the love he unfortunately still has for Yukhei, comes crashing down like waves, washing over Jaemin’s body in this weird feeling. Jaemin feels cold, but it’s not. Jaemin feels like shivering, because the realisation of seeing Yukheir again face to face ever since the break up is settling in.

“Jaemin,” Yukhei says, and Jaemin feels like running. His voice is deep, like it always is, and Jaemin hates how much he sort of misses it. The voice that used to tell Jaemin random facts he found, the voice that used to whisper to Jaemin all their inside jokes, the voice that used to laugh with Jaemin whenever they share a joke, and the voice that used to tell Jaemin that he loves him. “Can we talk?”

“I think you should go, Yukhei-hyung,” Donghyuck interjects, his voice hard, but his eyes are sort of pleading. Donghyuck and Yukhei teammates in Volleyball, and Jaemin feels awkward that ever since the break up, Donghyuck also has to strain his friendship with Yukhei too, because he sides with Jaemin. He always does.

“Hyuck, please,” Yukhei pleads, and Jaemin can feel the resolves he didn’t even have at the first place crumble little by little, just because Yukhei is looking so stupidly earnest, and all Jaemin feels like doing is throwing himself to Yukhei’s arms with the thought of Yukhei catching him. Yukhei looks at Jaemin again, and it crumbles. Everything. “Nana?”

That should be foul play, and Jaemin is weak, so he coughs, looking away. He turns to Donghyuck and Jeno, getting up, and smiling at both of them reassuringly, which they both return with their eyebrows still furrowed, with worried stares etched on their features. “It’s alright. We’ll just talk.”

Yukhei seems grateful, so he smiles at Jaemin. Jaemin doesn’t return the smile, thinking that Yukhei really doesn’t deserve a smile when he left Jaemin. Yukhei seems to not be expecting one either, because he gestures for Jaemin to follow him, and Jaemin does. Follow Yukhei. Because that’s the most natural thing and a habit that has been implemented on him, so he follows. Jaemin thinks if Yukhei goes to the end of the world, Jaemin would probably follow him too.

Jaemin can feel eyes on his and Yukhei’s backs. Of course it’s weird. Everyone knows they broke up. Yukhei’s position as the middle blocker, and his ability to strike past a three-man block have always been an attribution to his social status. Yukhei is popular, that’s undeniable. Jaemin, is, well, okay. He’s not too popular, but he’s not unknown either, but when the news of both of them dating broke out, it did become a question as to why Yukhei is even dating Jaemin. But all the questions disappear when people pretty much see them attached at the hip. This eerily feels like when they first started dating. Everyone staring at them, and looking, but the irony is they’re not dating anymore.

Jaemin knows Yukhei is leading Jaemin to the Volleyball court. Jaemin doesn’t know whether or not he should walk side by side with Yukhei, but Jaemin doesn’t think he’s ready for that yet, so he stays with following Yukhei to the court. They arrive soon enough, and Jaemin is brought back to the time Yukhei first confessed to him. It was stupid. It is stupid. The irony of all of this. The irony of the fact that they’re back to the place where Yukhei first confessed, but now, not as lovers. Not as friends, either.

Jaemin would be lying if he says that he doesn’t remember the day Yukhei confessed with clarity, because he does. He has the whole scene painted in his hands by his own memories, and Yukhei’s sweet words. Jaemin remembers each and every one of Yukhei’s awkward stumbles with the Volleyballs as he tries to muster up the courage to tell Jaemin while Jaemin helps him practice.

Jaemin was introduced to Yukhei by Donghyuck. Jaemin was with Jeno at that time, because they both tagged along to Donghyuck’s practice because they were going over to Donghyuck’s place right after Donghyuck’s practice to have a sleepover, and game night. Jaemin remembers his first impression of Yukhei being very good; handsome, tall, nice. The typical description. They were introduced there, and somehow their friendship blossomed, naturally, and easily, like everything with Yukhei was.

They were around two months into their friendship when Yukhei confessed. Jaemin had been helping Yukhei practice. They were at that stage in their friendship where they weren’t awkward with one another. Yukhei had set him the task of setting the Volleyballs to him. Yukhei had been a mess. His shots didn’t reach any of the water bottles on the floor, and Jaemin had watched worriedly, afraid of Yukhei bursting because he couldn’t seem to get any of his shots. But turns out, Yukhei had just been nervous because he was planning to confess to Jaemin that day. Which was stupid.

Jaemin remembers Yukhei calling for break, and he plopped down on the floor harshly, so Jaemin wordlessly handed the water bottle to Yukhei with a worried glance, only for Yukhei to pull Jaemin down to sit along with the water bottle. Jaemin followed easily, and the grip Yukhei had on Jaemin’s wrist stayed, even as Jaemin sat down. Yukhei wordlessly untangled Jaemin’s fingers from gripping the water bottle, and instead intertwined their fingers together. It should’ve been gross, because Yukhei’s hands were sweaty, but Jaemin didn’t mind, and only looked at Yukhei in confusion. Yukhei looked back, his cheeks tinted pink, and maybe at that point Jaemin sort of got it.

“I like you a lot, Jaemin,” Yukhei said, and Jaemin’s eyes widened a little, a little grin on his face that was hard to hide, so Yukhei imitated it, grinning too. They looked kind of stupid. On the floor, with Yukhei’s fingers in Jaemin’s, looking at each other with this dopey grin.

“Why?” Jaemin asked, and Yukhei smiled demurely, squeezing Jaemin’s hands, and he dragged Jaemin forward a little, and Jaemin followed, so Jaemin was just kind of in the middle of Yukhei’s wide opened legs. It was a weird position, but it was comfortable, nice, and Jaemin was floating.

“What’s there to not like?” Yukhei asked back, and Jaemin heated up, smiling shyly, blinking rapidly to stop himself from feeling so giddy.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin answered dumbly, and Yukhei laughed. His thumb was caressing Jaemin’s hand as he talked, with this gentle smile on his face as he listened to Jaemin’s words. “I really like you, too.”

Jaemin didn’t believe in magic, but the smile Yukhei gave him was magical, and that was that. Falling into place with Yukhei was easy, like it was meant to happen, like it was supposed to happen, like fate. But if that was fate, then maybe them breaking up was also fate. The _I think we should break up_ didn’t warm Jaemin’s heart like the _I like you a lot,_ the difference between those two sentences were stark, and those words have a one year age difference, like Jaemin and Yukhei’s ages are.

Jaemin doesn’t know what to expect this time.

“Jaemin,” the present Yukhei begins, and Jaemin stays silent, looking down, because if he looks into Yukhei’s eyes, he doesn’t know if he’s expecting another rejection, or maybe Yukhei asking Jaemin to stop looking at Yukhei like he wants to have Yukhei back, or maybe apologies. Jaemin doesn’t know what to expect. “Can you look at me, baby?” Yukhei asks gently, and Jaemin feels like weeping. He wants to look, the nickname is enough for his resolves to break down, and the tears are already building up in his eyes, but Jaemin stubbornly looks down, hands in his slacks pockets, shaking his head. Jaemin hears Yukhei’s small sigh. Yukhei is already tired of Jaemin.

Yukhei takes a step forward, and Jaemin doesn’t know why but his reflex this time is to take a step back. That must’ve pained Yukhei, if the way his steps faltered a little are anything to go by. But he continued forward, and Jaemin doesn’t back away, because Jaemin thinks even if he backs until the ends of the earth, Yukhei would probably take a step forward. Or at least Jaemin believes that he would still take a step forward. Jaemin stays rooted, and Yukhei is pretty much in his personal space now, like he always was right before their break up.

“Baby,” Yukhei begins, because he’s an asshole, and he knows what are Jaemin’s weakest points. Yukhei takes Jaemin’s hands from his pockets, gently like he doesn’t want to hurt Jaemin, but that would be useless since Jaemin’s heart is already stepped on by him anyways. He intertwines their hands, and Jaemin only watches, how perfectly their hands still fit together, and how Yukhei’s hands are warm. “I’m sorry. I was a coward.”

Jaemin agrees. Because Yukhei is a coward. For breaking up with Jaemin for something as minor as going to university. Jaemin wants to yell at Yukhei, telling him that he’s an asshole if he thinks that just a simple apology would do for taking Jaemin’s heart only to stomp all over it. Jaemin wants to yell at Yukhei, to shake his shoulders for him to realise how hurt is Jaemin, and he wants to slap Yukhei’s chest for thinking that Jaemin wouldn’t wait for him like he always does.

“Are you saying this because you feel guilty, or you truly want me back?” Jaemin asks hoarsely, finally looking up at Yukhei, and his tears stupidly falls because Jaemin is, and has always been, weak for Yukhei.

Yukhei looks at him gently, like he always does, and Jaemin doesn’t quite remember when Yukhei has ever looked at him harshly; probably because it never happened. Even when they broke up, Yukhei had been looking at him forlornly, with this expression on his face that screams he regrets everything, but he thinks it’s for the best. Yukhei hugs Jaemin, and Jaemin hates how he feels at home. “I’m sorry. I’ll treat you better. Please, Jaemin. We’ll make it work, baby.”

Perhaps it’s because Jaemin is weak for Yukhei. Perhaps it’s because Jaemin always trusts Yukhei, anyways. The break up was done in a moment of cowardice, that part, Jaemin knows now. Jaemin knows, and it’s enough for him to wrap his own arms around Yukhei’s waist, easily putting his face in the crook of Yukhei’s neck. “Why did you do it?”

“Thought you deserve better,” Yukhei mumbles, into Jaemin’s hair, and Jaemin sighs. Yukhei can only hug Jaemin tighter as a reconciliation. “I don’t know what went through my head when I got that acceptance letter to the uni, Jaemin. I was so happy, but I’ll be away. We won’t be together anymore. We won’t see each other. I thought it was better to be apart now so you’ll get used to it. I’m sorry. I was stupid. We’ll make it work. I’m sorry.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it was for me everyday to be alone when I know you’re still here, hyung?” Jaemin sighs, and Yukhei whispers sorrys to Jaemin’s ears that Jaemin can only sigh at again. Jaemin wipes off the tears that fell off earlier, and sniffles slightly. “What happens now? Are we back together?”

“If you’re willing to accept me again, then we’re together, Jaemin,” Yukhei whispers, and they pull away from the hug. Jaemin can only look back at Yukhei, at the hopeful smile on his face, the sincerity in his eyes. Jaemin loves him too much, anyways.

“Of course I’ll accept you, dumbass,” Jaemin replies, and he slaps Yukhei’s chest which elicits a small giggle from him. Jaemin looks at him, his eyes pleading and wide, and Yukhei looks back, listening attentively, with his arms on Jaemin’s waist. “Please don’t do that to me again.”

“Of course,” Yukhei says, and he pulls Jaemin into another hug. “Worst decision of my life. I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”

Jaemin feels his heavy heart becoming lighter. The weight of Yukhei’s words are adding up in Jaemin’s heart, but instead of becoming heavier, it becomes lighter with the promises, the words. Jaemin should be scared, and he is, at the thought of being hurt all over again by Yukhei, by the thought of Yukhei liking someone new, but the fear is subsiding.

Just because Yukhei is here, and he promises to be.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know why i decided to write for such a rare pair but i don't care the thought of them being together is enough to set me alive anyways hehe
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated :)
> 
> i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nctkkum) if you wanna follow me! 
> 
> and i opened up a [curiouscat!!](https://curiouscat.me/adequater) if you wanna ask me questions hehe


End file.
